I would like to apologize for being away for so long.  Not to mention the lack of updates and all, but I have been just consumed with lots of things in which depresses me to a certain degree.  Just trying to rise up from it so I can make ado with things in which I left behind.  A lot has been on my mind, and laying down the pen was among one of them.  But, looking back I already drew way too much, and just felt that I wasn't really making progress since it wasn't really demanded much from me.  Not to mention the things that has happened over the period of 2 years that placed me in the most undesirable place in my life.  Luckily, I guess things have had its ups and downs and I have been rather negative.  I don't really talk about anything personal, especially within Deviant Art, but people has to know what they need to know.  However difficult my struggles are, no one is going to notice when things are kept within one's self.  For me, it is a change, and something I really need to check into.  Not that I need some mental help or anything, but more of a personal struggle.  I know that being lazy has had its influences, and I really haven't  made too much progress.  I have thought maybe, drawing isn't really my thing.  I took on taking pictures though and have been shooting people cosplaying and such.  It has its highs and lows, and meeting interesting people on a daily basis.  Sometimes, I do feel that I cannot really keep up with a lot of things, and then trying to find work.  It's been tough for a lot of people, landing one's self in a job, and trying to maintain things from fun, work, family and travel.  I think I have been rooted too long in LA, even though I have had my share of troubles.  I also feel that LA has been a prison, and I really need to get out more.  Not just to local bars or nightclubs, but on a plane to somewhere else.  Being broke is pretty awful, and having to worry about what to eat tomorrow isn't that great of a feeling too.  I see many other people living the life with what little they have, and I must have gone sour due to the fallout of a previous relationship.  Not only that I just became dark and antisocial, and not giving anyone a chance for anything.  

Lately I have been trying to lighten up, and trying to meet new faces expand my mind in hopes to open new opportunities.  There is still a bound though, only due to the fact that I am not great in making money, lest alone having a difficult time even to find a small barista position.  Maybe it is all the mistakes I have made that brought me to this point.  No matter, I still need to change my mindset and do things right instead of complaining about what I could have done, yet wasn't able to do.  I am still alive, and I can still draw.  I can do a lot of things in which some people cannot, and I haven't really taken the step to really move forward.  With the lack of motivation in mind, I haven't had any desire to do much of anything.  Since those times were wasted, I wondered to myself what could have been done, which doesn't really make anything progress either.  I was in that vicious cycle of getting nothing done while trying to get something done only through thoughts.  Looking around I have plenty of papers still.  It is time to make use of them, and I know that I might not have the sharpest tools in the shed, I need to really get things done.  This is another reason why I want to start commissioning again.  Even though I lack motivations, and there will be times where I might not complete the drawings one time because I have to do a lot of things to get back on my feet, but to practice in order to get better.  Each drawing one after another is an accomplishment.  I may not feel accomplished at first, but when people notice the things I do, it will eventually drive me to get more done.  I do need money, and I don't want to cheat people, knowing that I have been cheated before.  It is never a good feeling, even if it comes to money or relationships.  So, I want to make that choice of getting things done.  So if anyone wants a drawing, let me know.  I still don't color yet, but I know that I am pretty confident with the lines I place.  I want to really improve, so if anyone wants to help, please commission me.

-Zekie